5 Easy Ways To Avoid Hordes of Zombies

One of the funniest things about considering the reality of the zombie apocalypse is how slow and harmless zombies appear in most fiction. Sometimes I space out while watching a zombie flick like, "How useless are most people to meet such a ridiculous end?" You see one lone zombie shuffling in the street and literally might lol at him like "are you serious right now?"

Zombie hordes take the silly out of the threat posed by one zombie and amplify the threat exponentially. Even though individual zombies are basically the laughing stock of the supernatural world (unless you count Twilight), in hordes zombies reach their maximum threat level. Relentless and insatiable, a horde of zombies is hard to fend off. If you get close enough to deliver a skull-crushing blow to one of them, you also put yourself within swiping and chomping distance of the rest of them.

So how can you avoid hordes of zombies? Is it as easy as just not spilling ketchup on my shirt and thus not attracting them to the delicious human meat already fitted with ketchup? Or should I have studied a little harder in trigonometry? Neither, really. Here are 5 pretty simple ways to avoid hordes during the zombie apocalypse.

5. Stay out of cities. Mobs of zombies will be more common in the cities. I'm not sure if it is the food or the flashy nightlife, but cities are where zombies hang out most frequently.

4. Set obstacles between you and the hordes. If you have ever played football, you can think of this tactic much the same way as setting your blocks. Careful stiff arming zombies though. Definitely do it, but be careful about it and make sure somebody is watching so a good laugh doesn't go to waste.

3. Blend in. This is a bit risky, but effective if you do it right. On The Walking Dead a few of the characters smeared guts all over themselves to blend in with the hordes, enabling them to pass right through the hordes undetected. In Shaun Of The Dead and The Mummy, different characters were also able to blend in by imitating the zombie demeanor. Be careful though - when the effect wears off, you will be a duck in China town.

2. Bait and Switch - the oldest trick in the book. Make a ruckus in tactically selected locations to herd the zombies to those locations and away from your camp. This is a strategy that is demonstrated to some extent in The Walking Dead, the Telltale Games story that takes place in the same universe as the TV show. You can use loud noises, fire, or just whoever feels froggy enough to holler out "Come and eat me ya zombie fucks!" until the hordes show up. Obviously, don't volunteer to be that person.

1. Shhhhhh!. Be quiet. Any sound you make is a dinner bell for lurking hordes of zombies. Yes, lurking hordes. We have all seen the movies. This concept of lurking hordes should come as no surprise. When a character turns the corner and all of a sudden there are massive amounts of zombies coming from all sides, those zombies are lurking hordes. Every noise you make during the zombie apocalypse is an invitation for the hordes to feast on you. Door creaks open when entering a room? Zombies devour you. A twig snaps under your foot in the woods? Zombies show up and eat you. Answer your cell phone in the movie theater? Well, we can only get so lucky I guess.

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