There are an EXORBITANT amount of options in the world when it comes to handguns; which is probably why I love them so much. A list of the top 10 guns sold in America in 2013 (in no particular order because I was too lazy to classify based on sales or use) should help explain a good majority, and that will be followed by a breakdown of each.
The ever popular doorstop Glock (I cringe at the thought, but a lot of people love them, and I will tip my hat to them for reliability. But ONLY as I give them the middle finger for weight and balance).
Beretta, if you're a fan of '90s buddy cop movies, particularly Lethal Weapon (Mel Gibson's gun), or are current or former military that had sidearms training after the late 80's or early 90's, you're familiar with what they look like.
Smith & Wesson, also great doorstops that can double as a hammer if needed, for their semi-automatic pistols, but quite possibly some of the best revolvers ever made, especially for the price they normally come out with.
The world renowned 1911 (Kimber manufacturing took top sales for 2013 I've shot them, beautiful guns).
Lesser known guns are the Hi-Point, which should be lesser known since it's nickname is the five dollar hood special. KelTec, which doesn't make horrible guns, I'm personally not a fan, but as a last resort I'll take it over a Hi-Point any day. Taurus, the wannabe Beretta, the Springfield XD Series (the All-American "Fuck you!" to Glock), Sig Saur (I know I know...we kicked their goose-stepping asses in WWII why would I trust one of their guns? Because Germans don't fuck around when it comes to shooting shit, that's why), and finally the Ruger, similar to Smith & Wesson in that they're known for their revolvers, but different from Smith & Wesson in that their semi-autos aren't complete pieces of shit.
Two guns not on the top 10 list, but that need mention because of my opening line--The Desert Eagle, which comes in .44 Magnum and .50 caliber (aka .50 Action Express, future referenced as AE), and the .50 caliber revolver, 500 Smith & Wesson, made by a variety of manufacturers. To sum these up, sorry again, about your dick bro.
Glock
The Austrian word for "Shit, I just pulled 5 feet left because this fucker's so light!" Can you tell I'm not a fan? Credit does need to be given where it's due though. EXCEPTIONAL durability--Mud, blood, sand, dirt, over lubed (giggity) under lubed (ouch >_<), hot, or cold; as long as you don't limp-wrist it like a teenage girl nervously giving her first hand job, it'll keep on coming (just like the teenage boy getting his first hand job). Glocks come in every logical caliber. Logical being anything but .44 SPL or Mag, and .50 caliber (AE or 500 S&W). Your standard Glock pistol models are 17 (9mm, full size frame), 22 (.40 caliber, full size frame), 20 (10mm full size frame), 21 (.45 caliber full size frame) 42 (.380 caliber, subcompact; downside to this, as with most .380s-6 shot magazine). Cleaning and maintaining a Glock is very easy, with the Generation 4 models, a simple field strip can be done with three fingers with enough practice. Any prior models and it usually takes four or five, just for safety.
Beretta
Italian for "Not quite a Lambo, but still a sexy bitch..." When the military decided to switch from the iconic 1911 to the Beretta M9 in the late 70s/early 80s, people weren't exactly happy; and by people I mean anyone who'd ever been in combat or had a family member in combat. They knew what that beautiful little .45 could do, versus some rinky dink piece of shit 9mm? No contest. But capacity won out. 15 rounds in the magazine versus 7 tends to make people stop and think. Since then, Beretta has proven itself on the battlefield, with Law Enforcement, as well as the standard armed civilian.
Beretta has a number of pistols to work with, all the way up to the .45 caliber. The two classics, the Model 92FS and Model 92A1 are basically what you see in the movies, with the exception of the A1 having notched out grooves under the front of the barrel for accessories (either a flashlight or laser, "You want some laser eye surgery, Leo?" gotta love Gibson), which are your standard 9mm pistols. Then there's the Model 96 and 96A1, same concept as the Model 92s but in .40 caliber. Beretta has also recently come out with their PX4 Storm models, which I briefly covered in my rifle post. Varying from 9mm up to .45 caliber, if Beretta stands behind them, I will too. BUT I will say, as with Glock, I don't like plastic, and having shot them, I'm not a personal fan of the PX4 models.
Lastly is the Neos, a little plinker .22, but I've said it before, and I'll say it again, .22 is your best friend in an apocalypse situation. I've shot them, and for .22 they are very nice, very reliable pistols. A lot of .22s tend to jam due to improper grip, but this gun can be shot almost barely being held.
Anything with a variant of the number 90 in it is very easy to work with and clean, which is always good, but bear something VERY important in mind, the 92F, the original 9mm designed for mass production had a bit of a problem. After shooting, people tended to have the slide (top half of the gun) come back into their face. I love the movie Sin City, but I personally don't want to end up like Benicio Del Toro. The PX models and the Neos are a pain in the balls to clean if you haven't done it before, but like anything, practice makes perfect.
Smith & Wesson
The American Revolver. You don't get much classier than a Smith Model 29 (Go ahead punk, make my day), or the Model 686, well recognized by sight, .357 magnum. The NYPD has the option of carrying slight variations of the Model 5906 semi-auto 9mm pistol, but it's rare because they know how unreliable they are. For that reason, I say this--AVOID Smith & Wesson semi-autos for at least another 2-3 years, just to make sure they get the kinks out. Don't get me wrong, an apocalypse is an apocalypse, if you come across one, grab that bitch. But if you have the option to walk away, take it. The two revolvers mentioned--well, the Model 29 falls under the SBYD category. A .44 Mag is just too inefficient, the bullets are heavy as hell, the recoil, for most, is unmanageable, and even if you can manage it, there's still too much time off target where you have to readjust. And God forbid you have to shoot in a low-light situation, you will blind yourself from the muzzle flash. The Model 686 (similar to Rick's Python, for my new generation "Dead" Heads out there) on the other hand, exceptional gun, taking .357 Mag as well as .38 SPL, which is always a plus. Less recoil, more manageable for weight on the gun as well as the ammo, and a gun that takes two types of ammunition is always a bonus.
Ruger
The Blackhawk and Redhawk. Anyone who claims a working knowledge of popular guns knows these two guns. The key difference being their action types; single action only (only works with the hammer cocked) or double action (option of hammer cocked or squeeze through the trigger). Single action is far more accurate due to a lighter, and far shorter trigger squeeze; therefore the Blackhawk is going to be covered first.
Coming in .357 for your standard Blackhawk, or .44 Mag with the Super Blackhawk, you have your options. Once again you can go .357 or .38 SPL with the standard Blackhawk which is always a plus, downside though is loading and reloading. The easiest way to explain it is take one bullet out, put one in, then rotate the cylinder, and so on five more times.
The Redhawk on the other hand, you have the ease of dropping six shots in with one step if you have a speed-loader, and even if you don't you have full access to the cylinder which greatly speeds up loading time. Firing speed is also important in this situation. With a single action revolver, as already stated, you HAVE to cock the hammer back, half a second to two seconds doesn't sound like a lot, but when you have a bunch of hungry ass dead fucks coming at you like it's cheat night for Jenny Craig and you're the chocolate bar, that time is important as hell.
The SR series of semi-auto pistols designed by Ruger are on the stronger side for need of experience due to how heavy some of the movable parts are, mainly the slide lock, and God forbid you're in a reload situation, you don't want to break your thumb trying to rechamber with a new magazine. Their most popular semi-auto though, is the LCP (Light Carry Pistol). This model comes in the traditional LCP chambered in .380 ACP, LC9 9mm for something with a little more pop, anything larger and you step back in to the SR series. For Ruger, get yourself a Redhawk .357 Magnum if you have the option.
Hi-Point
You're fucked. Seriously? Gonna keep going, hoping to see something good about these? OK, IF you manage to get it loaded, put that bitch under your chin and make your peace with God, because that first shot is your only guaranteed shot.
KelTec
I have very mixed feelings on KelTecs, they are reliable, their rifles are exceptional, and they have a wide variety of pistols available. They are commonly known for their Concealed Carry pistols though, most notably the Model P3AT; a .380 caliber pocket pistol. A major design flaw in them unfortunately, is KelTec decided not to take the time to flatten out the contact edges above the trigger guard when they made it, (it's injection molded, so in essence two pieces of polymer plastic pressed together). However the KelTec does have a slightly lighter trigger pull giving a bit more of an accurate shot due to said smoothness (and who doesn't like it better when it's smooth?), but knowing you're going to get bit by the frame does tend to throw shooters off when working with them (unless you're into that kind of kinky shit). It's a bit of a tough competition, the Ruger LCP is the stronger option for comfort in the hands and controllable recoil, while the P3AT has the smoother trigger, for their size, it's a toss up for what to go with.
Taurus
"I wanna be a Beretta! But cheaper and shittier." NAILED IT! Taurus is known for taking a great semi-auto pistol, and turning it into a bigger pile of shit than Sarah Palin's explanation of her international relations experience. Good revolvers, like Ruger and Smith, but this knock-off Beretta is just that-a shitty knock-off. I once saw a picture of a beautifully gold inlayed, intricately carved 1911, and I almost cried when I realized that craftsmanship like that couldn't be shot, can't take the chance of messing up the design; then I realized it was a Taurus and was at peace, because they're barely trustworthy in 9mm, fuck .45.
The two revolvers Taurus is well known for, and hold up well in durability, are the Judge and the Raging Judge (good job marketing department, couldn't even pick something original for the second one). The Judge is the more feasible option for control. The option of .45 Colt (think .45 ACP on steroids) or a .410 Shotgun Shell are challenging, but manageable. The Raging Judge runs the added option of .454 Casull (sorry, once again, 'bout your dick bro), unwieldy for anyone without a large amount of experience with stronger caliber guns, these are your two best options for Taurus, with the recommendation going to the standard Judge.
Springfield XD Series
I've shot them, I love them. It's a rare opportunity for me to compliment a polymer pistol, but when it comes to comfort, accuracy, and balance--The XD nailed it. My favorite part of the gun? Springfield's giant middle finger to Glock with the name. An abbreviated history lesson; when Glock originally came out it was sold exclusively to Law Enforcement, garnering the nickname "The Duty Pistol". Springfield, being the All-American company that it is, countered with XD; the "X-Treme Duty Pistol" (Hey...FUCK YOU Glock"). They come in an extremely wide variety, 9mm, .40 cal, and .45. You also have the XD-S models, which, just like their big brothers, come in all three of the standard calibers, but in approximately half the size.
Sig Saur
Used by military, law enforcement, and civilians alike, the Sig Saur is an overall very well adapted gun. Having a variety of sizes and calibers, the Sig is a versatile pistol that holds up very well in just about any situation. The P229 is the most common Sig pistol in circulation at the moment, being a standard option for law enforcement and Military Police, it's a reliable, durable weapon; however my preference is toward the Model P2022 due to a more user friendly interface. The standard Sig model has the slide lock and auto decocker (lever that brings the hammer forward without firing the gun) that feel almost exactly alike, which can throw off a shooter not used to working with that style of gun mechanics; for a new shooter think Ricky Bobby--"I...I don't know what to do with my hands." The P2022 on the other hand, has a much more pronounced slide lock, with a tight bodied decocker. In all, the Sig is a gun that, while you do need to get comfortable with it, is a definite must for any zombie apocalypse arsenal.
1911
This part may take me a while to write just because I'll have to keep wiping the drool off of my keyboard. There aren't many objects in the world that you can simply reference a year and most people know what you're talking about. The 1911 happens to be one of them. John Moses Browning was the original designer; with the U.S. military finding a very high demand for something with such power in the late 1800s and early 1900s in the Philippines. John Browning delivered, and to this day, his design still delivers, with the 1911 being heralded by most gun aficionados as "The service pistol". A .45 caliber, heavy duty stopping power, and for anyone comfortable enough to handle it, a near impossible gun to miss with. An original design flaw that in recent years has been dealt with was their magazine capacity, .45 is great, but in a horde situation you're effectively fucked with between seven and nine shots total. As stated though, this flaw has been corrected as of late, with several companies coming out with "double stack" magazines (higher capacity for ammunition).
Para USA seems to be the most popular out there, a lot of haters on it, but I'm not allowed to say much with my already stated disdain for all things plastic, and most double stack 1911s seem to be plastic. If you're looking for a traditional, hard-hitting 1911 you want to go with one of three brands--Colt, which is the original mass producing company of 1911s, Springfield Armory, a personal favorite of mine from them is the "Champion" model, and Ruger. Just to clarify on this one--Glock can suck a big old rotting zombie dick if it's next to a 1911.
Desert Eagles and S&W 500s
Aren't you cute with your little hand cannon :) Dirty Harry days are done folks, and while I do so love watching him make the bad guy piss his pants, a .44 Mag Revolver (OR Desert Eagle) has no intimidation factor when it comes to zombies, and they are most definitely priority numero uno for the purposes of this blog.
For that reason, don't be a bitch, carry something that makes sense. A Smith 500; what could go wrong?! I'll tell you exactly what could go wrong. You could break your fucking wrist. I've shot them before, having over 10 years of experience shooting I didn't walk in expecting to "rock it" like a pro. I knew damn well I had to hold on for dear mother fucking life, and it still knocked me back a bit. So if you're pulling one of those guns from a holster, sorry 'bout your dick bro.
When it comes to pistols, any gun is better than no gun. Except Hi-Point, then no gun is better. However, if you've got any type of desire to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you're not even going to consider a Hi-Point as a gun; which brings us back to any gun is better than no gun. Caliber comfort varies from person to person, but in essence the rule holds from rifles; If you're new, don't dive into the deep end, and if you're smart enough to know your limits, keep being smart. You don't wanna end up another Darwinian Statistic, because from there you'll be turning into a notch on someone's Zombie Drop List.
Twitter @TheStacheMan87
Facebook.com/InTheWoodsEntertainment
Got Fiction? Got Zombie? Got Blog? Send all submissions to ManagerInTheWoods@gmail.com for publishing consideration.
Facebook.com/InTheWoodsEntertainment
Got Fiction? Got Zombie? Got Blog? Send all submissions to ManagerInTheWoods@gmail.com for publishing consideration.
