Perimeter Defenses

"Heads up! They're pushing through!!"

Every zombie survivalist's worst nightmare is seeing a horde breaking through what they thought was a solid defensive perimeter; or worse yet, hostile douche bags coming in to try to steal your hard earned (or hard stolen) supplies. Pistols, rifles, and blades have already been covered, so if it comes to that, use them. But how do you prevent spending precious ammo or damaging good blades on a pile of douche bags you'll probably never see again, or a horde that will most likely overrun you and your crew?

It's said that the best defense is a good offense. I say the best defense is a big ass fence; two if possible; just ask Rick Perry, he would DEFINITELY agree. Your primary fence should be chain link, like what's most commonly seen in yards today. HOWEVER you don't want to be that ass-hole who thinks "OK, my fence is up. I'm invincible." Especially if it's the standard layout with posts every five to eight feet (*cough* you're FUCKED *cough*). You're going to want them every foot or less to really maximize your strengths. Follow that up with a traditional style palisade (20 foot long vertical posts stuck at least four feet into the ground), complete with archer's towers (if you can't figure out how to work the towers in to your primary defensive fence design then you know what? Fuck it, double them bitches up just to be safe). Personally, I'd go with steel pipes instead of wood. While wood is good (am I right or am I right ladies? Some gentlemen as well; don't want to leave anyone out), you spray the steel down with Rhino Liner, or some other type of heavy duty coating, and your element proofing is basically taken care of. From here we go landscape defenses.

Pits are no one's friend; especially if you forget your deodorant, which most people won't have during the zombie apocalypse. But they can be helpful if you fill them with sharpened stakes to catch those hungry zombie fucks! Or to stop other humans trying to steal your stuff, which will then double as bait for the zombies. They always appreciate an easy snack. Markers are always helpful so you don't become one of those snacks; remember to always leave something obvious to those who know what to look for, but undetectable to the clueless amblers (kind of like herpes).

I.E.D. Clay pots-- Most notably used in the Vietnam War against Americans, were exceptional weapons. Set up in a similar fashion as they were in the war (left out in a way to make them seem useful or to be holding supplies), a simple trip wire staged with a heavy flint and gun powder or gasoline mixed with oil to make sure it sticks will make a good show as well doing some serious damage. While zombies may take a while to have their brains melt from the heat, it'll drop anything actually breathing really fast.

Home made Napalm--A good friend of mine that was former military once said something very profound; "Naaaapalm, Naaaapalm! Sticks like glue!! Sticks to buildings and vehicles too!" The italics is for the rather squeamish, I edited it a bit, since this is meant to be a family friendly apocalyptic death scenario blog. Think it's impossible? Apparently you didn't have enough free time as a kid. I won't give you the proper ratios on here so as not to be labeled a domestic terrorist, but gasoline and styrofoam are very good friends. How could napalm be useful you ask? Line your perimeter with it and all you need is a well placed match, lighter, or flaming projectile and all of a sudden you have a blazing wall that people can't get over without having fire stick to at least a small part of their body. Well done zombie anyone?

Gun powder--It doesn't just make guns go boom! We can look back to the clay pots mentioned earlier with this one, as well as anything else you can figure out how to make pressure tight. The more compression gun powder has, the bigger the boom. You just have to make sure you don't end up like the "firecracker kids" that invariably pop up every year around 4th of July. Fingers are for more than pointing after all. (Again, am I right ladies?)

Boiling Animal Fat--No one ever gives enough credit to the fatties (double entendre anyone?). Animal fat is great as a fire source for not only keeping yourself warm in colder climates, but as a defensive tool as well. As the start of this section suggests, get it boiling, and drop it on those intruding pricks trying to break through your hopefully kick ass defenses! If that doesn't work, or if they're in vehicles and boiling fat doesn't do the trick - flaming projectile time! In essence it's an easier way to get napalm. Sticky and thick (giggity) it'll get the job done and light very quickly. If you're using it on zombies, the heat produced from getting something that thick to boil will sear flesh, which means the body will be rendered basically useless.

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POP Goes the Pistol

Small, Medium, Large, or "Sorry 'bout your dick bro"?

There are an EXORBITANT amount of options in the world when it comes to handguns; which is probably why I love them so much. A list of the top 10 guns sold in America in 2013 (in no particular order because I was too lazy to classify based on sales or use) should help explain a good majority, and that will be followed by a breakdown of each.

The ever popular doorstop Glock (I cringe at the thought, but a lot of people love them, and I will tip my hat to them for reliability. But ONLY as I give them the middle finger for weight and balance).

Beretta, if you're a fan of '90s buddy cop movies, particularly Lethal Weapon (Mel Gibson's gun), or are current or former military that had sidearms training after the late 80's or early 90's, you're familiar with what they look like.

Smith & Wesson, also great doorstops that can double as a hammer if needed,  for their semi-automatic pistols, but quite possibly some of the best revolvers ever made, especially for the price they normally come out with.

The world renowned 1911 (Kimber manufacturing took top sales for 2013 I've shot them, beautiful guns).

Lesser known guns are the Hi-Point, which should be lesser known since it's nickname is the five dollar hood special. KelTec, which doesn't make horrible guns, I'm personally not a fan, but as a last resort I'll take it over a Hi-Point any day. Taurus, the wannabe Beretta, the Springfield XD Series (the All-American "Fuck you!" to Glock), Sig Saur (I know I know...we kicked their goose-stepping asses in WWII why would I trust one of their guns? Because Germans don't fuck around when it comes to shooting shit, that's why), and finally the Ruger, similar to Smith & Wesson in that they're known for their revolvers, but different from Smith & Wesson in that their semi-autos aren't complete pieces of shit.

Two guns not on the top 10 list, but that need mention because of my opening line--The Desert Eagle, which comes in .44 Magnum and .50 caliber (aka .50 Action Express, future referenced as AE), and the .50 caliber revolver, 500 Smith & Wesson, made by a variety of manufacturers. To sum these up, sorry again, about your dick bro.

Glock

The Austrian word for "Shit, I just pulled 5 feet left because this fucker's so light!" Can you tell I'm not a fan? Credit does need to be given where it's due though. EXCEPTIONAL durability--Mud, blood, sand, dirt, over lubed (giggity) under lubed (ouch >_<), hot, or cold; as long as you don't limp-wrist it like a teenage girl nervously giving her first hand job, it'll keep on coming (just like the teenage boy getting his first hand job). Glocks come in every logical caliber. Logical being anything but .44 SPL or Mag, and .50 caliber (AE or 500 S&W). Your standard Glock pistol models are 17 (9mm, full size frame), 22 (.40 caliber, full size frame), 20 (10mm full size frame), 21 (.45 caliber full size frame) 42 (.380 caliber, subcompact; downside to this, as with most .380s-6 shot magazine). Cleaning and maintaining a Glock is very easy, with the Generation 4 models, a simple field strip can be done with three fingers with enough practice. Any prior models and it usually takes four or five, just for safety.

Beretta

Italian for "Not quite a Lambo, but still a sexy bitch..." When the military decided to switch from the iconic 1911 to the Beretta M9 in the late 70s/early 80s, people weren't exactly happy; and by people I mean anyone who'd ever been in combat or had a family member in combat. They knew what that beautiful little .45 could do, versus some rinky dink piece of shit 9mm? No contest. But capacity won out. 15 rounds in the magazine versus 7 tends to make people stop and think. Since then, Beretta has proven itself on the battlefield, with Law Enforcement, as well as the standard armed civilian. 

Beretta has a number of pistols to work with, all the way up to the .45 caliber. The two classics, the Model 92FS and Model 92A1 are basically what you see in the movies, with the exception of the A1 having notched out grooves under the front of the barrel for accessories (either a flashlight or laser, "You want some laser eye surgery, Leo?" gotta love Gibson), which are your standard 9mm pistols. Then there's the Model 96 and 96A1, same concept as the Model 92s but in .40 caliber. Beretta has also recently come out with their PX4 Storm models, which I briefly covered in my rifle post. Varying from 9mm up to .45 caliber, if Beretta stands behind them, I will too. BUT I will say, as with Glock, I don't like plastic, and having shot them, I'm not a personal fan of the PX4 models. 

Lastly is the Neos, a little plinker .22, but I've said it before, and I'll say it again, .22 is your best friend in an apocalypse situation. I've shot them, and for .22 they are very nice, very reliable pistols. A lot of .22s tend to jam due to improper grip, but this gun can be shot almost barely being held.

Anything with a variant of the number 90 in it is very easy to work with and clean, which is always good, but bear something VERY important in mind, the 92F, the original 9mm designed for mass production had a bit of a problem. After shooting, people tended to have the slide (top half of the gun) come back into their face. I love the movie Sin City, but I personally don't want to end up like Benicio Del Toro. The PX models and the Neos are a pain in the balls to clean if you haven't done it before, but like anything, practice makes perfect.

Smith & Wesson

The American Revolver. You don't get much classier than a Smith Model 29 (Go ahead punk, make my day), or the Model 686, well recognized by sight, .357 magnum. The NYPD has the option of carrying slight variations of the Model 5906 semi-auto 9mm pistol, but it's rare because they know how unreliable they are. For that reason, I say this--AVOID Smith & Wesson semi-autos for at least another 2-3 years, just to make sure they get the kinks out. Don't get me wrong, an apocalypse is an apocalypse, if you come across one, grab that bitch. But if you have the option to walk away, take it. The two revolvers mentioned--well, the Model 29 falls under the SBYD category. A .44 Mag is just too inefficient, the bullets are heavy as hell, the recoil, for most, is unmanageable, and even if you can manage it, there's still too much time off target where you have to readjust. And God forbid you have to shoot in a low-light situation, you will blind yourself from the muzzle flash. The Model 686 (similar to Rick's Python, for my new generation "Dead" Heads out there) on the other hand, exceptional gun, taking .357 Mag as well as .38 SPL, which is always a plus. Less recoil, more manageable for weight on the gun as well as the ammo, and a gun that takes two types of ammunition is always a bonus.

Ruger

The Blackhawk and Redhawk. Anyone who claims a working knowledge of popular guns knows these two guns. The key difference being their action types; single action only (only works with the hammer cocked) or double action (option of hammer cocked or squeeze through the trigger). Single action is far more accurate due to a lighter, and far shorter trigger squeeze; therefore the Blackhawk is going to be covered first. 

Coming in .357 for your standard Blackhawk, or .44 Mag with the Super Blackhawk, you have your options. Once again you can go .357 or .38 SPL with the standard Blackhawk which is always a plus, downside though is loading and reloading. The easiest way to explain it is take one bullet out, put one in, then rotate the cylinder, and so on five more times. 

The Redhawk on the other hand, you have the ease of dropping six shots in with one step if you have a speed-loader, and even if you don't you have full access to the cylinder which greatly speeds up loading time. Firing speed is also important in this situation. With a single action revolver, as already stated, you HAVE to cock the hammer back, half a second to two seconds doesn't sound like a lot, but when you have a bunch of hungry ass dead fucks coming at you like it's cheat night for Jenny Craig and you're the chocolate bar, that time is important as hell. 

The SR series of semi-auto pistols designed by Ruger are on the stronger side for need of experience due to how heavy some of the movable parts are, mainly the slide lock, and God forbid you're in a reload situation, you don't want to break your thumb trying to rechamber with a new magazine. Their most popular semi-auto though, is the LCP (Light Carry Pistol). This model comes in the traditional LCP chambered in .380 ACP, LC9 9mm for something with a little more pop, anything larger and you step back in to the SR series. For Ruger, get yourself a Redhawk .357 Magnum if you have the option.

Hi-Point

You're fucked. Seriously? Gonna keep going, hoping to see something good about these? OK, IF you manage to get it loaded, put that bitch under your chin and make your peace with God, because that first shot is your only guaranteed shot.

KelTec

I have very mixed feelings on KelTecs, they are reliable, their rifles are exceptional, and they have a wide variety of pistols available. They are commonly known for their Concealed Carry pistols though, most notably the Model P3AT; a .380 caliber pocket pistol. A major design flaw in them unfortunately, is KelTec decided not to take the time to flatten out the contact edges above the trigger guard when they made it, (it's injection molded, so in essence two pieces of polymer plastic pressed together). However the KelTec does have a slightly lighter trigger pull giving a bit more of an accurate shot due to said smoothness (and who doesn't like it better when it's smooth?), but knowing you're going to get bit by the frame does tend to throw shooters off when working with them (unless you're into that kind of kinky shit). It's a bit of a tough competition, the Ruger LCP is the stronger option for comfort in the hands and controllable recoil, while the P3AT has the smoother trigger, for their size, it's a toss up for what to go with.

Taurus

"I wanna be a Beretta! But cheaper and shittier." NAILED IT! Taurus is known for taking a great semi-auto pistol, and turning it into a bigger pile of shit than Sarah Palin's explanation of her international relations experience. Good revolvers, like Ruger and Smith, but this knock-off Beretta is just that-a shitty knock-off. I once saw a picture of a beautifully gold inlayed, intricately carved 1911, and I almost cried when I realized that craftsmanship like that couldn't be shot, can't take the chance of messing up the design; then I realized it was a Taurus and was at peace, because they're barely trustworthy in 9mm, fuck .45. 

The two revolvers Taurus is well known for, and hold up well in durability, are the Judge and the Raging Judge (good job marketing department, couldn't even pick something original for the second one). The Judge is the more feasible option for control. The option of .45 Colt (think .45 ACP on steroids) or a .410 Shotgun Shell are challenging, but manageable. The Raging Judge runs the added option of .454 Casull (sorry, once again, 'bout your dick bro), unwieldy for anyone without a large amount of experience with stronger caliber guns, these are your two best options for Taurus, with the recommendation going to the standard Judge.

Springfield XD Series

I've shot them, I love them. It's a rare opportunity for me to compliment a polymer pistol, but when it comes to comfort, accuracy, and balance--The XD nailed it. My favorite part of the gun? Springfield's giant middle finger to Glock with the name. An abbreviated history lesson; when Glock originally came out it was sold exclusively to Law Enforcement, garnering the nickname "The Duty Pistol". Springfield, being the All-American company that it is, countered with XD; the "X-Treme Duty Pistol" (Hey...FUCK YOU Glock"). They come in an extremely wide variety, 9mm, .40 cal, and .45. You also have the XD-S models, which, just like their big brothers, come in all three of the standard calibers, but in approximately half the size.

Sig Saur

Used by military, law enforcement, and civilians alike, the Sig Saur is an overall very well adapted gun. Having a variety of sizes and calibers, the Sig is a versatile pistol that holds up very well in just about any situation. The P229 is the most common Sig pistol in circulation at the moment, being a standard option for law enforcement and Military Police, it's a reliable, durable weapon; however my preference is toward the Model P2022 due to a more user friendly interface. The standard Sig model has the slide lock and auto decocker (lever that brings the hammer forward without firing the gun) that feel almost exactly alike, which can throw off a shooter not used to working with that style of gun mechanics; for a new shooter think Ricky Bobby--"I...I don't know what to do with my hands." The P2022 on the other hand, has a much more pronounced slide lock, with a tight bodied decocker. In all, the Sig is a gun that, while you do need to get comfortable with it, is a definite must for any zombie apocalypse arsenal.

1911

This part may take me a while to write just because I'll have to keep wiping the drool off of my keyboard. There aren't many objects in the world that you can simply reference a year and most people know what you're talking about. The 1911 happens to be one of them. John Moses Browning was the original designer; with the U.S. military finding a very high demand for something with such power in the late 1800s and early 1900s in the Philippines. John Browning delivered, and to this day, his design still delivers, with the 1911 being heralded by most gun aficionados as "The service pistol". A .45 caliber, heavy duty stopping power, and for anyone comfortable enough to handle it, a near impossible gun to miss with. An original design flaw that in recent years has been dealt with was their magazine capacity, .45 is great, but in a horde situation you're effectively fucked with between seven and nine shots total. As stated though, this flaw has been corrected as of late, with several companies coming out with "double stack" magazines (higher capacity for ammunition). 

Para USA seems to be the most popular out there, a lot of haters on it, but I'm not allowed to say much with my already stated disdain for all things plastic, and most double stack 1911s seem to be plastic. If you're looking for a traditional, hard-hitting 1911 you want to go with one of three brands--Colt, which is the original mass producing company of 1911s, Springfield Armory, a personal favorite of mine from them is the "Champion" model, and Ruger. Just to clarify on this one--Glock can suck a big old rotting zombie dick if it's next to a 1911.

Desert Eagles and S&W 500s

Aren't you cute with your little hand cannon :) Dirty Harry days are done folks, and while I do so love watching him make the bad guy piss his pants, a .44 Mag Revolver (OR Desert Eagle) has no intimidation factor when it comes to zombies, and they are most definitely priority numero uno for the purposes of this blog. 

For that reason, don't be a bitch, carry something that makes sense. A Smith 500; what could go wrong?! I'll tell you exactly what could go wrong. You could break your fucking wrist. I've shot them before, having over 10 years of experience shooting I didn't walk in expecting to "rock it" like a pro. I knew damn well I had to hold on for dear mother fucking life, and it still knocked me back a bit. So if you're pulling one of those guns from a holster, sorry 'bout your dick bro.

When it comes to pistols, any gun is better than no gun. Except Hi-Point, then no gun is better. However, if you've got any type of desire to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you're not even going to consider a Hi-Point as a gun; which brings us back to any gun is better than no gun. Caliber comfort varies from person to person, but in essence the rule holds from rifles; If you're new, don't dive into the deep end, and if you're smart enough to know your limits, keep being smart. You don't wanna end up another Darwinian Statistic, because from there you'll be turning into a notch on someone's Zombie Drop List.

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Handling Hordes

A single zombie is not much of a threat - especially for those of us who are prepared for their arrival - but hordes are a serious threat in the zombie apocalypse. Now you may be thinking, "I didn't really consider a horde..." or maybe "I still ain't fucking scared!" How would YOU mow down the horde? Are you going to get head shot after head shot with a rifle? Or are you going to use explosives? 

Oh wait, most of us won't have shit like that. So what are we to do!? 

The best way to handle the horde is to stay away from the horde - as far away as possible, duh. 5 Easy Ways To Avoid Hordes Of Zombies

There will be times when you can not avoid the hordes (like Black Friday). If this is the case, you want to pick your engagements very carefully (like Black Friday). Eliminate the fastest and closest zombies first (um...yeah) if you have a gun. 

Without a gun you will need to rely on your melee combat skills, which may be severely lacking at first. Unless you are a some sort of Kung-Fu Master. Or Chuck Norris (yeah I went there). 

For hordes, you will want longer melee weapons (like a lacrosse stick, one of those giant cotton swabs from American Gladiator, or a few of these blades) so that you can maintain some distance between you and the hungry assholes. Don't perform the Zombie Apocalypse Epic Fail - getting too close to a zombie (to punch his face piece in) and getting caught with a scratch or bite from one of his cronies - because then it is curtains for you! CURTAINS I TELL YA! 

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What Can I Do RIGHT NOW?

So many people gobbled up by such an easy monster to defeat - why is it that nobody was prepared for this?

What Can I Do RIGHT NOW?

Following the steps I have laid out thus far should bring you to a point where you have a few moments to reflect on life as it once was. Advertisements for all sorts of luxuries used to burn their way into your memory. The lovely, textbook “American Dream” family life that you may have once had has turned into a tale of terror. The key characteristic for success and survival regresses from communication (business, sales, marketing) back to something more physical, more primitive. Money suddenly takes a step back as many tumble from the top of Maslow‘s Hierarchy to the bottom. But not you. You, reading this blog, you have on the slip resistant shoes. Big ups buddy.

Your mind may also wander into the land of regret and doubt - what could I have done to better prepare myself? And you, reading this now, might be thinking that very question but in the present tense. Stroking your chin, in deep thought. Thankful for all those times you were pooping and decided to pass the time by letting your mind wander to fantastical ideas such as the Zombie Apocalypse (I’m not saying I write this blog on the potty, but I’m not saying that I don’t either) and what you would do in such an event. This post is your remedy. I am your slip resistant shoes. 

Physical training now will pay huge dividends later after the Zombie Apocalypse begins. If you are fit, fast, strong then you have a serious leg up on a lot of the fodder. This also includes any weapons training or self defense training you could acquire from professionals in the world in its current state. Learning how to shoot a gun, use a sword, or kick box (yeah I went there) could help to prepare you for using - at least attempting - these techniques in real time when it counts.

Learning homesteading techniques is becoming more and more commonplace in American culture for many reasons - fear and panic towards the current economic state of the world, preparation for a catastrophic event, the sudden popularity of being a “red neck” that has hit pop culture (on a side note WTF is up with that anyway?) and an overactive imagination (hooray for nerds like me). Any knowledge relating to self sufficiency and living off the land tactics such as raising crops and animals will be worth its weight in food during the Zombie Apocalypse.

Plotting out your course of actions in advance of the impending zombie epidemic is probably the most important thing you can do right now. As a frequenter of zombie fiction in all forms, I used to be perplexed at how some people who appeared totally worthless made it as far as they did. Planning. If chance dictates anything during the Zombie Apocalypse, planning is the way to hedge your bet and stack your chances of survival. Physical training is meaningless if you don’t have a plan and wind up cornered somewhere inhospitable, with shambling assholes banging on the windows to gobble you up. Homesteading will only be useful once out of immediate danger and setup in a fortress. If you have a plan, it can be curtailed to meet your strengths and dodge obstacles presented by your shortcomings. The plus-sized potential survivors can plan a route that doesn’t involve running. The scrawny can plan ahead and make certain they won’t have to lift anything heavy. And those of us who have no formal education in anything that is useful after the breakdown of society can start learning some of those things immediately. 

If you take these words seriously (save maybe the bit on poop), you WILL increase your chance of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Having a plan and preparing yourself mentally and physically for disaster is the only way to give yourself an edge when, as a wise man once put it, the shit goes down. If you don’t prepare for doomsday scenarios of any sort, hey, maybe you’ll get lucky. And if you think you are lucky, go to the casino. That is where ALL the lucky people hang out. 

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Choosing Your Fortress

Choosing Your Fortress

"It won't hold much longer!" I hollered across the house as I pushed all of my weight against the front door. The locks weren't going to hold by themselves and we hadn't the time to move furniture before they were pounding and scraping, putting out the maximum physical exertion just to get in. "The garage now! Get the kids in the car! HURRY!"

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Selecting the right place to fortify and defend will be a pivotal decision that could make or break your life during and after (if you make it so far) the Zombie Apocalypse. Poor foresight at this time will result in your ass on a silver plate for an unsavory group of creatures (and they don't use sporks).

Buildings after the collapse of society should be looked at in two different ways - a potential fortress or a potential supply stop. "Casing the joint" is now something done by survivors and not necessarily heathens. Sometimes these two categories will overlap but not always. If you are in an area you are familiar with, you should already know where some of the bigger, more defensible buildings are and hopefully you have some knowledge about where some supply buildings would be located as well, especially if you (like me) constantly put yourself in the shoes of someone escaping zombies. To determine whether or not a building is good to defend - not just from zombies, from hostile survivors as well - there are a few key characteristics to consider.

1. Accessibility. A structure that has limited windows and only a few doors would be easy to fortify because there are less ways a zombie could enter. Furthermore, multiple floors increases your initial work load (clearing all threats - see Taking Control of Your Fortress) but that increase in space gives you so much more room to work with after things start to settle down (oh yes, eventually we will settle down - this is a survival guide ffs).

2. Roof Access. It is important to get to the roof of any building you are holding down. You need to make your hideout known to helicopters and planes that may be searching for survivors. You will need the space and sun light on the roof to grow plants and collect rain water (if you make it this far, we’ll come back to this concept in a future post). Also the "high ground" is a strategic location to control if you find your building under siege. Consider as well how funny it would be to pee off the roof onto the zombies below.

3. Contents. Most buildings will have SOMETHING useful, but some buildings are a higher priority than others. If your local grocery store fits the characteristics you are looking for in a fortress, locking it down will hopefully give you an immediate supply of food, bottled water, and (in some places) alcohol. If you need to know something - anything - a library or book store are solid places to check out. Sometimes you will find that a building with awesome contents is not defensible. In this instance, don't even bother to try to defend it. Make a note of where this place is and get on with finding a fortress - supply runs after your new home is established will raid local buildings for the supplies within. Trying to make a building a fortress when it is not cut out to be one will result in a demotion from survivor to fodder instantly.

You will have to be planning in advance with any building that you lock down. How long are you going to stay here if nobody comes to rescue you? How long are you going to have before you need to make a run for supplies somewhere? Is there a large enough local population to expect that other survivors are out there and may possibly make their way here as well?

Some of us though will be unfortunate enough to be somewhere they are unfamiliar with when the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out. If you are advanced enough to be able to identify a defensible building in a town you are unfamiliar with, kudos. For those of you who are not this advanced or who don‘t feel confident in ANY building around, you may want to consider the option Run Like Hell.

Some key buildings you are DEFINITELY going to want to find are:

1. Grocery Store. Food. Bottled water. Some over the counter medicine. Alcohol (to help clean cuts that were NOT inflicted by zombies). A grocery store is AT LEAST worthy of being noted as a potential supply stop.

2. Super Center. Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Costco. Anything with lots of stuff and a variety of merchandise. In some areas, these types of stores are more plentiful than gun shops and thus could possibly quench your desire for weapon ammunition. These buildings also expand on everything listed in the grocery store section above. While probably too big to hold down as a fortress, these buildings are worth consideration - but definitely prove their worth as supply stops.

3. Library. Once you get settled in you are going to need to learn things you never needed to know before. Libraries are full of information. Endless knowledge for those who can read. Plus they have maps!  Big ups for the library!!!

4. Police Station / Army Depot. Here we may have weapons and/or bad ass survivors. Either of these constitutes an upgrade to your team and the possibility of either being present makes this building a MUST VISIT at least as a supply stop.

5. Hardware Store. Great place to score building materials, seeds for plants, tools (for tool purposes or weapons purposes), and sometimes even hunting gear and guns!  A good hardware store is a sleeper building not oft thought of but critical to the Long Term Survival of anybody serious about surviving in a post Zombie Apocalypse world.

6. Hospital / Pharmacy. Yes, it is a big “no-no” to go to a hospital.  But for long term medicinal needs it is a very real possibility that you will have to get to a hospital to get medical supplies or a pharmacy to get medicine.

7.  Gas Stations. Any place where you could get some gas could be worth a stop. Gas is critical to running a lot of machinery and will become a much MORE limited commodity in this world.

8. Liquor Store. Yep.

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Secure Loved Ones

Secure Loved Ones

My heart dropped when my car skidded into the driveway. Dirt and bits of gravel kicked up into the air and made a cloud that expanded outward around the car as I hurried out of it. The front door was wide open and a puddle of blood trickled down the steps in front of me...

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When the day is upon us, many people will move to protect families and loved ones. This is a legitimate first move (personally my first move as well). BUT THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY. The reality is that some of us don't live anywhere near our families, so this move will have to be put on the back burner while the real possibilities are evaluated.

Is your family alive? The Zombie Apocalypse almost by definition dictates that people will die. FACT: The less prepared you are for this event, the more susceptible you and your loved ones are to death! Prepared or not, get to your vehicle quickly as possible. Once you arrive where your family is (or should be), do not waste a second. Survey the area quickly while approaching. Look for familiar faces and attempt to verify how bad the zombie attacks were before you arrived and if your family is still inside the target building and if they are alive. Proceed with extreme caution (while still moving as fast as possible) and with a cool head. Navigate around any zombies between you and the target building providing there aren't too many zombies blocking your path - fighting now would only slow you down and every second counts. Once inside, listen for desperate breathing. If your family is hiding inside, you may hear upset, staggered breathing as they attempt to remain hidden from the infected assailants outside. Whisper out "Psst! Is anybody here?" or something along those lines. It would be an epic fail to remain quiet, be mistaken for a zombie, and be seriously wounded accidentally by the very people you came to save! 

If your family is worth a damn they will already have supplies packed up in preparation for a world changing phenomenon such as the Zombie Apocalypse. If they are not worth a damn, scroll down to the next words you see in bold print.

If you do not find your family where they should be, maybe they were able to escape before you arrived. If you have a plan and are prepared, you will probably have a meeting point already designated in case of separation. If you are unprepared (and are making a valiant effort to remedy that condition via this blog) then it is necessary for you to brainstorm all the possibilities while high-tailing it to your car and getting back on the road. I would personally suggest starting your search with the most likely location, but without a plan it is really just a crap shoot. Have a plan with your family and friends.

Now, for the alternative - what the Zombie Apocalypse is truly about : Survival.

Could your family be dead? Sure. Most of us will not accept this notion without physical evidence. You see it all the time in movies when one person doesn't make it back to camp and the others struggle with how to proceed, like "Maybe he's still out there right now!" and ideas like that. In some cases one will get that "closure" from physical evidence in the form of an eerily familiar looking gaggle of zombies on the front porch. Some people will not have this irrefutable proof and will seek their families at any cost, no matter how slim chances are for a satisfactory outcome. 

There will even be people that will move on in their own best interests without even attempting to find and ensure the safety of loved ones. Dick move? Maybe. The need to survive can sometimes supersede thoughts and emotions. And some people are better at facing facts (and/or jumping to conclusions) than others. If the question is "What are the chances my 97 year old blind great grandmother who lives in that nursing home in Center City next to the hospital is still alive?", then we must consider that, while some of us would struggle with the gravity and very real circumstances surrounding such a thought, others would answer that question very quickly with "Fuck that bitch anyway!" Dick move? Maybe. Okay, this time it totally is. 

With your loved ones all gathered up (or not), the time has come to decide where your fortress is going to be. Do you think zombies will stop at a locked door? Long Term Survival will be best accomplished by selecting a defensible position and fortifying it. Just don't forget to bring beer (the zombie apocalypse is BYOB).

In The Woods Entertainment

Twitter @Matt_InTheWoods 
Facebook.com/InTheWoodsEntertainment

Got Fiction? Got Zombie? Got Blog? Send all submissions to ManagerInTheWoods@gmail.com for publishing consideration.

Your First Moves

The onset of the Zombie Apocalypse could be packaged and delivered in a variety of different ways, from the glaringly obvious rise of the dead as we would imagine it - hordes of zombies busting down doors and through windows - to the "slow roll" type of onset - cases of cannibalism being reported on the news more frequently as the crisis slowly develops. The difference between these two extremes and the entire range of possibilities between them will play a major role in your initial reaction to this major disaster - if you see corpses walking and attacking other people, you will be more certain of your evaluation of the situation than if you see one shambling asshole moseying down an otherwise empty alley. Considering the inability of a logical person to determine that the Zombie Apocalypse is here without irrefutable evidence, you will benefit MORE from witnessing an army of zombies attacking people than you would if you were to just see one or two zombies shuffling about the parking lot of the shopping plaza where you work (assuming of course you aren't eaten at this juncture). 

It is almost better to witness zombies eat people before you know what is going on because the certainty that would come with seeing the disaster unfold in front of you would give you the “go ahead” that you would need to drop what you are doing and run for your damn life. You wouldn't struggle with any doubt about what is happening if you witness it first hand. Hopefully you are informed/creative/morbid enough to recognize a zombie when you see one because the first moves you make in the Zombie Apocalypse could dictate exactly how long you last or how quickly you become zombie dinner.

The very first few moves you make must be decisive, calculated, and absolutely flawless in execution. You will always want to escape immediate danger first and foremost. The best way to stay a non-zombie is to avoid the chance of becoming a zombie altogether. If the onset is chaotic and the zombies have the upper hand then run for your life. If you find that you lack definitive enough proof that zombies are upon us, hopefully your interest in this blog will at least raise a red flag in the back of your mind. Zombies must always be considered a possibility.

Chance will dictate who survives in the beginning for most people, the unprepared. Most will be caught with their pants down - some literally - and their escape will be a mad scramble as fast as possible to nowhere in particular. Knowing where you are running TO is part of what separates survivors from fodder. Have a plan or at least some idea of where you are going and for what purpose.

In some instances, removing yourself from danger will be best accomplished by getting to a rooftop, or some other place with a physically restrictive means of access. If such an option is presented to you, certain characteristics should be sought to determine long term use of this hideaway. More on that here!

Your next move should be to arm yourself.  Guns are nice if you are already well versed in their use. Other weapons to consider are more common items - sports equipment (baseball bat, hockey stick, lacrosse stick), tools (hammer, wrench, sledge), or any of these blades. Anything that packs a punch. You don’t want to be caught in a situation where you have to get past a zombie or two to get to your next destination but have nothing but bare hands with which to neutralize said enemy. There is no need to be picky AT FIRST in the urgency of your hasty retreat from danger. Depending on what you see laying around - umbrella on an outdoor dining set, pick it up - fallen branch of decent size, pick it up - steel folding chair, pick it up. Something is better than nothing at all in your mad dash to better your situation. Obviously if you find something more durable than what you are holding, consider swapping weapons. You don’t want to use such flimsy items as long term weapons, but for the immediate future literally almost ANYTHING is better than your bare hands.

After removing yourself from immediate danger and picking up at least the crudest weapon immediately available to you, there are a few different routes to pursue that are specific to you and your life before the Zombie Apocalypse. Some people will have families and will move to Secure Loved Ones while others have little so dear to them and can start preparing for Long Term Survival in a world possibly overrun with endless hordes of flesh eating monsters.

In The Woods Entertainment

Twitter @Matt_InTheWoods 
Facebook.com/InTheWoodsEntertainment

Got Fiction? Got Zombie? Got Blog? Send all submissions to ManagerInTheWoods@gmail.com for publishing consideration.

The Zombie Apocalypse And You!

Welcome to The Zombie Apocalypse And You! 

If you're a good friend, you will share this blog with everybody you wish to survive the tough times that are undoubtedly in the near future. 

If you're not a good friend then at least you are ensuring your own safety by visiting this blog! You are NOT a selfish person...

In The Woods Entertainment

Twitter @Matt_InTheWoods 
Facebook.com/InTheWoodsEntertainment

Got Fiction? Got Zombie? Got Blog? Send all submissions to ManagerInTheWoods@gmail.com for publishing consideration.